Monday, August 25, 2008

sad & crazy

Life is just crazy right now. A week and a half ago there were massive layoffs at my place of employment. Luckily, I was spared, but there were so many that weren't (a 75% reduction!). People that I love working with every day. The talented people that make me enjoy coming into work. I'm so selfish. I don't want things to change. I want this to all be a dream (i.e. Dallas)...for everyone to stay. I have been having a pity party. Feeling sorry for myself- the person with a job (told you I am selfish). I can't quite figure out the strategy behind the layoffs- who's staying and who's going. I guess that's something I'll never know.

One of the people laid off is my mentor. The person who believes in personal cheering squad. She is the person that has encouraged me to be the best... to make a play for world domination. I don't think I would be as strong of a designer without her. I know she'll still be "here for me." She'll always be my friend- a big part of my life. But with her gone, I am terrified. It's like I'll be performing my tricks without a net. She pretty much gave me a huge leash. I could be as free and creative as I wanted to be. She knew she'd get "greatness" (her words not mine). Great for the ego- let me tell you. I've been working on my self confidence for years (ergo- how she became my mentor). I am so sad that she won't be there. Of course she is telling me to be excited with the idea that I am on my own. I hope I can cut it, and make her proud!

Right now, it's extremely hard to come in to work. The people who were "let go" have a few more weeks in the office. I am afraid of saying or doing something wrong while everyone is still here..afraid of offending my friends. So, I sit in my cube with my headphones on- volume turned up all the way- lights off. I 've listened to music and about 5 audiobooks (including the Twilight series- a guilty pleasure). So if you have any etiquette tips, or audio suggestions- I'd love you forever!



Exciting news- Lora is sitting up by herself! Yay! I was worried about this. She's a huge baby. HUGE! Not exactly fat- tho she does have pinchable, Michelin rolls on her legs. She's tall like Farmboy, not like me (I'm a shorty). I thought it might take her longer to do things...guess not! She is "talking" up a storm, and wriggling all over the floor- in kind of a backwards army crawl. She has been one of the bits of light in my dark days lately.

My other bit of sunshine was in a wedding. Kelly was a flowergirl, or in her mind a flowergirl princess. She was great and loved every second of it. I was worried she might not make it up the aisle (despite the offered Hello Kitty t-shirt and gummi bear bribe). She started to walk slowly towards the minister- wearing her cute little dress & holding her basket of roses...then she paused- looking around- and then grinning through her eyelashes- yes through her eyelashes*- she made her way up to the front. When it was time for her to come and sit with us- she was very disappointed. I am positive she thought she was the star of the show. She danced all night! She charmed everyone in her path. I was so proud of her. I'm always proud of her (of them).

Guess I have babbled on enough. I am sorry that my thoughts are all over the place. I am still in shock. Plus, I haven't found my "voice" yet. I have to figure out how to be better at this whole thing. Any tips? I'd really appreciate it!

* both of my girls have enviable eyelashes---long, long, curly, black eyelashes.

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