Because I am the MOMMY!

Guess what? There is a new rule at daycare. Potty words can only be used when you're in the potty. My little dictator has decided that it should be implemented at home, too. Should be an easy enough task if you didn't live with Farmboy- King of toilet humor. As soon as Kelly could grasp things, he taught her how to pull his finger. When she started speaking, he taught her about "barking spiders." He sings about pottying all of the time. I'll admit it. It makes me laugh, too, but don't tell him that!

You ask, "What constitutes a potty word?" Well- the obvious: poop, fart, pee pee, butt, etc... and other derivatives: doody, toot, tinkle, tushy, etc... The rule went into effect on Monday. I've broken it a million times by now. Of course, Kelly caught me everytime. I didn't realize how many times a day I've told her to move her little tushy, or asked Lora if she had "pee pee pants" instead of a wet diaper. If I wasn't the mom, I'd still be sitting in timeout (sounds kind of good doesn't it?).

Here's my question... what do you do when you get called out after you've broken a rule? I don't think I'll get away with "because I'm the mommy" forever, or can I?

I heart Chuck Bass

There is roughly 4 days until the premiere of Gossip Girl. Yes. Gossip Girl. I am an addict... love this show....love bad TV/guilty pleasure TV in general. Shoot me! What are some of your guilty pleasure tv shows?

Drool Queen

Yay! The Drool Queen has cut her first tooth! Yay! Lora we are so happy for you!

sad & crazy

Life is just crazy right now. A week and a half ago there were massive layoffs at my place of employment. Luckily, I was spared, but there were so many that weren't (a 75% reduction!). People that I love working with every day. The talented people that make me enjoy coming into work. I'm so selfish. I don't want things to change. I want this to all be a dream (i.e. Dallas)...for everyone to stay. I have been having a pity party. Feeling sorry for myself- the person with a job (told you I am selfish). I can't quite figure out the strategy behind the layoffs- who's staying and who's going. I guess that's something I'll never know.

One of the people laid off is my mentor. The person who believes in me...my personal cheering squad. She is the person that has encouraged me to be the best... to make a play for world domination. I don't think I would be as strong of a designer without her. I know she'll still be "here for me." She'll always be my friend- a big part of my life. But with her gone, I am terrified. It's like I'll be performing my tricks without a net. She pretty much gave me a huge leash. I could be as free and creative as I wanted to be. She knew she'd get "greatness" (her words not mine). Great for the ego- let me tell you. I've been working on my self confidence for years (ergo- how she became my mentor). I am so sad that she won't be there. Of course she is telling me to be excited with the idea that I am on my own. I hope I can cut it, and make her proud!

Right now, it's extremely hard to come in to work. The people who were "let go" have a few more weeks in the office. I am afraid of saying or doing something wrong while everyone is still here..afraid of offending my friends. So, I sit in my cube with my headphones on- volume turned up all the way- lights off. I 've listened to music and about 5 audiobooks (including the Twilight series- a guilty pleasure). So if you have any etiquette tips, or audio suggestions- I'd love you forever!

__________________________________

Kiddos:

Exciting news- Lora is sitting up by herself! Yay! I was worried about this. She's a huge baby. HUGE! Not exactly fat- tho she does have pinchable, Michelin rolls on her legs. She's tall like Farmboy, not like me (I'm a shorty). I thought it might take her longer to do things...guess not! She is "talking" up a storm, and wriggling all over the floor- in kind of a backwards army crawl. She has been one of the bits of light in my dark days lately.

My other bit of sunshine was in a wedding. Kelly was a flowergirl, or in her mind a flowergirl princess. She was great and loved every second of it. I was worried she might not make it up the aisle (despite the offered Hello Kitty t-shirt and gummi bear bribe). She started to walk slowly towards the minister- wearing her cute little dress & holding her basket of roses...then she paused- looking around- and then grinning through her eyelashes- yes through her eyelashes*- she made her way up to the front. When it was time for her to come and sit with us- she was very disappointed. I am positive she thought she was the star of the show. She danced all night! She charmed everyone in her path. I was so proud of her. I'm always proud of her (of them).

Guess I have babbled on enough. I am sorry that my thoughts are all over the place. I am still in shock. Plus, I haven't found my "voice" yet. I have to figure out how to be better at this whole thing. Any tips? I'd really appreciate it!


___________________________________
* both of my girls have enviable eyelashes---long, long, curly, black eyelashes.

$%&*@# ! MORNINGS!

Just when I think I have my shit together- something kicks me in the shin (or is it on the shin) as a little wake-up call. I shouldn't try to establish a routine...or maybe I shouldn't try to have a strict routine? I don't know.

This morning I won worst mother of the year. I forgot to set the alarm clock. I arrogantly went to bed last night without getting the "school" bags together. Thinking I'd have plenty of time in the morning- right? RIGHT! Ha- kick on the shin! I had 20 minutes to get everyone up, sunscreened, dressed and get the bags put together. I got it all done in 22 minutes. Threw them all in the van. Not bad- right?! (again a little touch of hubris).

Well, I forgot a major thing. HUGE! On the way to work I was replaying my greatness....although I saw something that I missed- Kelly was antsy and grabbing at her crotch....Oh HOLY HELL! It was then that I realized that I forgot to make her go to the bathroom. Not good for a recently potty trained 2.5 yr old. I hope she didn't have an accident...I'm waiting to hear from Farmboy, oh, and the committee for worst mother of the year.

Please Don't Stop the Music

Is it bad that all I want to do right now is hide and listen to music? By music, I mean guilty pleasure music...the stuff I'd never admit to loving. Right now, I can't stop listening to Rihanna. I am a 33 yr old mom! I drive a mini-van! I'm supposed to relive my glory days- the music of my youth (the Cure, Depeche Mode, Sonic Youth)! Yet, I cannot stop listening to bubblegum pop. What is wrong with me?! Is it a midlife crisis?

We've been talking about music quite a bit at our house lately. Kelly has found the fifties. She is obsessed with Blue Suede Shoes (Carl Perkins not Elvis). Over and over- I've got one for the money....two for the show.... etc etc. Super cute the first hundred times I heard it, but now it's sounding like a record that's got a scratch...like little nails running down a chalkboard! I've tried to introduce her to other songs: Teddy Bear, Ring of Fire, Splish, Splash---she wants nothing to do with them. I guess I should be thankful that she isn't singing the Wiggles or Barney. But- is it too much to ask for a new song?

Happier

Ok. I am a little bit happier today. Still waiting to hear job news. Life is still out of control.

Actually, I might be more numb than happy.

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*

Today I feel very ANGRY. I am agitated, hostile, outright bitchy, and should not talk to people. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's PMDD... or lack of sleep. I feel mean...like kick small puppies and children mean. (btw-I would never do these things- never!)...

It all started yesterday. Got a call from daycare. Could I please come and try to calm Kelly down? I thought she was sick. So of course I bolted...got there as fast as I possibly could. Hmmm, she wasn't sick. She was hysterical...sobbing...and running around butt-ass naked. Apparently she had a few "accidents." The lovely teachers explained to her that accidents happen, and then they tried to get her to wear a brand new pair of underwear from their reserves. Kelly kept on screaming and refused to put them on...refused! Want to know why she refused? Not because they weren't her underwear, or because they were from daycare. No- the little devil wouldn't wear them because they were white! They were white!!! Sigh.... We had a huge talk- huge!

I didn't accomplish the things that needed to get done. The laundry is out of control. I haven't finished putting the flowers on Kelly's flower girl dress (for this coming saturday)... I had to scramble to put the daycare bags together this morning.... I am a mess- a mean, mean, mean mess.

I think I should just runaway.... to Australia*

___________________________________________________________________
*Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst.... fantastic book! Fantastic! I still read it all of the time.

"I've had a rough one" aka I wish I was still in preschool

Through all of this craziness, my family has been great. Farmboy has taken over the last bottle of the evening and has poured glasses of wine without even being asked. Lora makes me happy with each gummy grin she sends my way...But Kelly has been the absolute best. I love to hear her stories at the end of the day- stories from daycare.

The day we found out about the possible lay offs, I was very low. I went home a little early and started dinner. I cried and cried...tried to get it all out before the kids got home. BUT- when they walked through the door, I was a weeping crumpled up mess on the kitchen floor. Kelly came up to me, crawled into my lap, and sighed. She put her grubby little hand to her forehead and wiped away sweat. Then she said, "Mom, looks like you've had a rough one...I've had a rough one too!" I laughed and asked her what happened.

Apparently, she had a fight with a boy at school. He said she couldn't sing the Little Einsteins song, and she shouldn't watch it. That is his show. Kelly, being the princess that she is, told him to back off. He couldn't tell her what to do. Then, I heard they both visited not nice (time out). Next the class went to the park, and to her astonishment, Kelly had to hold the boy's hand (story sounds rough doesn't it). They played together, arguing the whole time I am sure, but not walking away from each other. They had to hold hands on the way back to school. Then the class went swimming- Einsteins forgotten. Sounds like an average toddler story... but the dramatic way in which she told the story was priceless. Lots of hands on hips and scowling faces- you could almost see the tiara on her little head. I had to smile. I was like that when I was little- a grand story teller...except I was shy. I wouldn't have fought with the little boy. I am so proud of her for standing up for herself...even prouder that she and the boy are still friends.

She made me feel better for sure. It made me think about what was going on around me... I am healthy. I have great kids (also healthy). I have Farmboy. I had to think how lucky I am to have such a great support team. (Thanks family!) Maybe things won't be so bad if I get laid off. It's only a job, right?

Selfish

Today I am feeling kind of selfish. The lay off talks at work are getting increasingly scarier and happening far too often. I know that it's just a part of life, and I will survive no matter what. I am relatively healthy...my kids are healthy and happy... Farmboy has a good job. We have a house.

I have not been laid off yet. Why do I feel like I am in mourning? Grieving for something that hasn't and may not happen? Oh that's right- I'm whiny and selfish.

I wish I could go back to bed and wake up when it's the weekend...or better yet- when it's all over.